I Mustafa Been Crazy

The so called “Arab spring” had many of us glued to our cable news, like teenagers awaiting their next text message. The world marveled at the youth lead social media revolutions. Tunisia then Egypt then Syria then, whoops…Libya and Yemen.

Of course, not every micro-revolution went without a hitch. Libya got quite messy and it was only a matter of time before consequences could be felt here in America, even DuPont. As fast as a French led NATO airstrike, the third world spammers got to work. Battle weary, I was ready and waiting at my firewall.

The first salvo was delivered a couple weeks ago.

Date: Mon, 23 May 2011 23:59:19 +0300 [05/23/2011 01:59:19 PM PDT]
From: MUSTAFA GHERIANI [mustafagheriani@libya.gov.lbc]
To: Undisclosed Recipients
Reply-To: mustafagheriani@w.cn
Subject: REQUEST FOR URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL ASSISTANCE?

I am Mustafa Gheriani a security officer to Libyan leader Moammar Gadhafi.

I have interest investing in your country. I am seeking for any short term income generating investment.. I am willing to invest eight (8) Millions Dollars in 2years and also wishing to relocate abroad, I am relying on your assistance in achieving my desire. Please email,The demand is urgent.

Please if you are interested, contact me immediately!

Yours Sincerely

Mustafa Gheriani

Interested? Damn straight I am interested, partner. I jumped at the chance at this opportunity.
(notice that the “from” email domain appears to be in Libya while the expanded header reveals that the message is actually going to China. The .cn Domain Registry is part of The China Internet Network Information Center (CNNIC) and was founded in 1997.)

Date: Mon, 23 May 2011 15:56:47 -0700 [05/23/2011 03:56:47 PM PDT]
From: admin
To: mustafagheriani@w.cn
Subject: Re: REQUEST FOR URGENT AND CONFIDENTIAL ASSISTANCE?

How can we help?

By “we” I meant the whole DuPont community. Think of what $8 million could buy. Certainly that could carry us for at least 10 more years of debate and studies on where to build a skate park (or, skate spot if you prefer). I was awash with civic mindedness.

Two days later I got a reply to my Samaritan-esque offer.

Date: Wed, 25 May 2011 18:26:27 +0000 [05/25/2011 11:26:27 AM PDT]
From: Mustafa Gheriani
To: admin@realdupont.com
Subject: Thanks

Dear Sir/Madam

I am in receipt of your sent mail which is well noted by me, a lot of thanks for your concern in this transaction, please I am very sorry for invading your privacy. Like I said before, due to this issue on my hands now, it became necessary for me to seek your assistance, I appreciate the fact that you are ready to assist me in executing this project, and also to help me in investing my money in your country. You should not have anything to worry about. I will do everything legally required to ensure that the project goes smoothly.

But however having resolved to entrust this transaction into your hands, I want to remind you that, it needs your commitment and diligent follow up. If you work seriously, the entire transaction should be over in a couple of days.And I like us to continue this transaction via this e-mail account.

You should note that this project is highly capital intensive. This is why I have to be very careful. I need your total devotion and trust to see this through. Also I am very confident that we will be able to establish the necessary trust that we need to execute this project.

I will make arrangement on how the funds will be moved in your name as the beneficiary where you may be needed to sign paper for the release of the funds directly; this is the best way I recommend for this transaction

Before I commence, I will need you to send me a copy of any form your identification (Driver’s license or International passport) . I want to be sure that I am transacting with the correct person. As soon as I get these from you, I will commence the paper work. I hope you will understand why I need all these. The money in question is big and I want to ensure that I know you well before I proceed to give you all the details to commence the project.

Thanks for your corporation.

Mustafa Gheriani

Hmmmm. Good ole Mustafa took a page right out of my playbook by asking for a photo for identification. Driver’s license or passport? I got both.

My passport photo thankfully changed a couple years ago. It was a hindrance and I was glad to be rid of it. I made the foolish mistake of being photographed with a “look” that I found impractical to keep for ten years, yet I posed at Kinko’s for my headshot anyway. As a result of this photo I was subjected to extra scrutiny and scorn for the duration of my passport term. On a trip from London to Amsterdam, I was pulled from line where I and my luggage was thoroughly searched by any reasonable standard pre-9/11. Again, this search took place entering Amsterdam. I guess they didn’t believe I was going to visit Anne Frank’s house.

I nearly freed myself for the burdensome photo at Heathrow Airport a couple years later. I was returning from Detroit to London. Somehow, I had lost the passport from the control point to my luggage carousel. I looked in vain for about 20 minutes but had to catch a train home. Great, I thought. I am living abroad and now I have no passport. I called the U.S. Embassy and was instructed to come and get a new passport issued. By then, I had gotten a haircut and shaved to a goatee. I went to the nearest shop by my office that took passport photos (it happened to be in Stratford-upon-Avon) and finally got a photo I could live with…or so I thought.

New photos in hand, I took the afternoon off and returned to Mayfair in London, to the U.S. Embassy. I walked in and told the desk clerk that I had been instructed to get a new passport issued since I lost mine at the British Airways luggage carousel in Terminal Four. “Hold on” he said, “Sometimes they will be turned into lost and found.” He thumbed through a card file no bigger than you might keep clipped coupons and within five seconds gleefully said, “Here you go. A member of the flight staff turned it in. Saved you some trouble.”

Did it?

I got the passport for business travel, mind you. I traveled throughout Europe and part of the Muslim world on those credentials. When I readied for my first trip to China while at Intel, I was asked to provide my passport to an administrator who would send it to obtain the proper visa. Well, evidently, the photo was too titillating for her to keep to herself and my passport was passed around a conference room at a General Manager’s staff meeting. Snickers and giggles aside, the Chinese passport control agents were none too thrilled with it either. The checker would look at the photo, look at me, and look at the photo again, all without saying a word. Finally, he would stare at me blankly and stamp it, waving me through.

I digress.

There was no way in hell that I was going to send a copy of my passport to someone trying to flee Libya, even if it is make believe. No. He will get a driver’s license photo, which in this country is nearly as good as a birth certificate.

I sent him this reply with this photo:

Date: Thu, 26 May 2011 10:18:31 -0700 [05/26/2011 10:18:31 AM PDT]
From: admin
To: Mustafa Gheriani
Subject: Re: Thanks

Here is the photo you requested. It is valid to buy liquor in all 50 states and is issued in the same state where President Obama has a birth certificate, thus ensuring its authenticity.

What is next?

I am so confused. Is he in Libya? Is he in China? You would think with all of the pirated copies of SuperBad my ruse would be exposed, but evidently it was not.

Date: Fri, 27 May 2011 00:18:31 +0000 [05/26/2011 05:18:31 PM PDT]
From: Mustafa Gheriani
To: admin@realdupont.com
Subject: My arrangement

Dear friend,

Thank you for your message and your information I received today,. I read your massages today because too many bombing yesterday and no satellite internet network were working except today. Communication came back. Please let me know what agreement and send me the agreement to me now. so I agreed with it.

I have no time again. So I can make preparation for moving it out of my country on Sunday. The company take this money to Egypt and they move it to France or Spain, you know American government refuse money from Libya to everywhere .You tell me if I can send it to France or Spain and you meet with the people there and in Europe tell the people to make arrangement to move from there to your country, I am moving this funds with the highest contact through a special diplomatic channel I can have now, we can not do anything now in Libya this is the only means to move this funds, I might lost the funds if I keep wasting time, this is all I have now, there is too much problem in my country right now. I was introduced to by a diplomat who works in Tripoli on how I can move funds through diplomats.

I will update with the arrangement, as I have start making plans today. This fund will be package and cast in safe deposit box register as consignment vault arrangement this is the safest means via a diplomatic means to avoid inspection, you will only demand for the claim of the trunk box. I will send you the unlocked pin code to unlocked the consignment after the clearance, you are going to received the money in cash, this was the only save and direct means to get the funds to you ,this is a every confidential and save means. I am begging that this is my life; I put my future and hope on this deposit as i want to invest this funds.

Regards

Mustafa Gheriani.

I like the salutation Dear Friend. Sure, it is someone who probably wants to scam me out of my bank information, but we can at least remain civil. Plus, I, too, am taking a liking to Mustafa. Friends do not seem out of the realm of possibility. Imagine if I started my three minutes before speaking to council about an issue by prefacing it with Dear Friend(s), I might be able to get them to like me too.

Should I ask for Mustafa’s photo? Naw, that scared my last scammer friend away.

Date: Thu, 26 May 2011 20:41:10 -0700 [05/26/2011 08:41:10 PM PDT]
From: admin
To: Mustafa Gheriani
Subject: Re: My arrangement

I understand and will await further direction.

Regards,

Dang. I always seem to do something that scares them away. All I want is a friend where I can love them and squeeze them and call them George. Well, if he thinks that I am going to just sit around my email account waiting for him to feel like writing me back then he has another thing coming.

Date: Mon, 30 May 2011 10:29:47 -0700 [05/30/2011 10:29:47 AM PDT]
From: admin
To: Mustafa Gheriani
Subject: Re: My arrangement

Mustafa,

I have not heard from you regarding this matter. I hope you are in good health.

Regards,

I couldn’t stay mad. Besides, maybe there were network problems with all the mayhem and chaos and airstrikes.

Date: Tue, 31 May 2011 16:33:18 +0000 [05/31/2011 09:33:18 AM PDT]
From: Mustafa Gheriani
To: admin@realdupont.com
Subject: Final arrangement

Dear Friend,

Thanks for all your effort and patience to assist in this transaction, it is not been an easy job since it was difficult to move the funds out through a bank transfer as restriction and embargo has been placed by the international community I need to move this funds by all mean or else I will lost the funds here there way things are going, remember that most of our money here is not also kept in the bank because of the past government policy which will come to an end soon because the outside world no longer support this government.

I have been to move these funds through the help of diplomatic channel to their own security and Vault Company in Europe, I will get the full contact by tomorrow so that you can contact the firm and ask them to deliver the funds to through the same means, but I know them have office in Malaysia, if you want to travel to Europe or Malaysia or you instruct they to move it directly to you in your country, if possible let me know which of this procedures to get this funds to you if best to your interest.

Please, read the mail carefully and understand, if any question you can ask me.

Thanks very much for all your support.

Mustafa Gheriani.

Thankfully, he was ok. I guess pretending to be building a huge banking transaction and not have it sound like an internet ponzi scheme is hard work. Well, I work too, pal.

To be honest, I could hardly make heads or tails of what was really expected of me. Vaults and diplomats and embargoes. It all sounds important just as it sounds like complete gibberish. I think this guy has seen one too many episodes of the Beverly Hillbillies. Rubes like this can’t exist.

By now, my heart isn’t in it and I am growing bored with this scam that plays like a Beckett play. Maybe Godot never arrives and neither does my money.

Date: Tue, 31 May 2011 22:03:06 -0700 [05/31/2011 10:03:06 PM PDT]
From: admin
To: Mustafa Gheriani
Subject: Re: Final arrangement

Based on geography, Malaysia via Hong Kong is better for my travel. However, I can also travel to Europe but will require more connecting flights. My preference is to travel Asia on Asian airline since American carriers have stringent security.

I will await your next instruction.

Allah Akbar!

So that is where it stands and I suspect that I have heard the last of Mustafa. Perhaps he was maimed in an airstrike or perhaps he bought a bootleg couple of Superbad. Either case would be equally sad, if it was true.

Remember: It isn’t a lie if you believe it.